Recipe for lemonade

Okay. So I've come up with a plan. Okay, maybe not a full out plan-plan. But I've got the sketches going.

First thing was to admit to myself that I was drowning and overwhelmed. To make it official (and real to myself), I also made that admission to my school advisor so that the school & my professors would know what was going on for me. Step one. Check. Step two. Check, check. These were the hardest steps to make. I've been struggling since the summer, and then REEALLY struggling for the past month. Losing Bijou was the final straw. If I didn't have school and assignments, it might never have come to light just how minimally functional I was/am. I think step one is huge. I'm glad I took it.
Next was landing an awesome life coach-in-training who has agreed to work with me for the next six months. Ms. S will be my guide for the start of this journey. Step three. Check.

Step four.... well, step four is where I'm at now. I've decided that I need to get my physical health back in order to kick start my emotional and mental recovery. And to prove it, I've start a new blog. In it, I'll detail more about this new journey. I will continue to run this blog more as my creative outlet ... which is what it was intended to be anyway.

So there you have it, guys. I'm going to end it with a quote:

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."-Aldous Huxley

I'm getting a lot of lemons...

I'm sorry for the protracted silence.  A lot has happened since.  Bijou is gone.  I am trying hard not to tailspin into grief and depression.

I need to wrap my head around this situation. More to follow...

For whom the bell tolls...

Nine years ago, I lay in bed... mostly asleep, but slowly gaining consciousness.  My stereo was set to turn on at 6am to gently wake me up to my favourite radio station.  Through my sleepy hazy, I vaguely heard...

          "I don't know what is happening...."

          "Are they filming a movie or something?"

          "... plane flying too low?"

          "Wait.  What?  A second plane has hit a building.  A second plane!"

That's how I remembered that morning.  I can't recall how I got to work.  But once there, I sat at my desk, listening to the radio, tears streaming down my face.  The office was in shock and silence.  The city was still.  The world was on pause...

Nine years later, I am still overwhelmed with grief on this day.  Not because I knew someone personally who had perished on that tragic day... but because our humanity binds us together.  This is not "your" loss, it is "our" loss.  This was someone's son/daughter... husband/wife/lover... father/mother... friend.  Friend.  I am grieving today for the friends that I never knew.... for the ones that I'll never meet.

Rest in Peace.

Kittens who steal your heart and make you melt...

It is funny how you can become so accustomed to the presence of a beloved pet that their absence, even for a mere night, seems to throw things slightly off kilter.  That's how I felt when I dropped off my cat Snoopy the night before a road trip.  I wandered around the house all evening anticipating a furry shadow following me.  I sat on the couch to watch tv and instinctively rearranged the blanket next to me for a soft spot for him.  All night, I resisted the urge to look for him to see how he was doing.... because I knew he wasn't there.

And now, five or six weeks later, I am still resisting the impulse to look for him under his favourite hiding spots.  That is because Snoopy is gone.  Passed away a couple of days after I came back.  The grieving process has been hard.  Often I take it moment by moment.  Having cared for him for nearly 15 years means that I have a lot of habits to undo.  A lot of familiar rituals to let go of.  It's been tough, I won't deny it.  But I found a way to help me cope with it...

I went to the SPCA out in Abbotsford a couple of weeks ago, just as something to do.  It was a nice ride out on the motorcycle and the cats at shelters always seem so grateful for attention and love.  I had pre-scoped out a few kittens that I wanted to meet.  One of them was an adorable white + grey kitten named Bijou.  From the first time I held her, she cuddled her way into my aching heart.  But I was reluctant to take on another cat so soon.  I could barely manage a day without bursting into tears over a sudden memory of Snoopy.  How could I accept the responsibility of another kitten?

Over the next week, I went back to visit that kitten (as well as saw a few others).  After much deliberation, I finally wrestled my doubts to the ground.  I realised that my sense of loss over Snoopy would not go away, but at least by having a kitten, I would be forced to care for her regardless of how I felt.  Something to keep me moving forward.  What I didn't expect was the delight and pure ecstatic joy I would experience in discovering her unique, sweet goofy personality.  She is adorable and gentle and very accommodating.  If I hug her because I miss Snoopy, she does not judge.

What a lovely way to heal a broken heart....



PS  Consider finding your next pet at your local animal shelter.  I've had my heart stolen there twice now.  :)

A man who made me laugh AND cry today

I spent most of the day glued to my monitor because of a writer whom I've recently become aware of.  His name is Gene Weingarten.  He is a writer for the Washington Post and recently won the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for a piercing article he wrote on parents who fatally leave their children in a hot car (Washington Post article).  He also did an interesting experiment on our (in)ability to perceive beauty in the every-day while mired in the hustle bustle of the every-day (Joshua Bell experiment).

Those two articles alone provided me with hours worth of reading and sidebar researching.  He had me crying in some places and laughing in others.

In the "laughing" catagory, may I serve up for your viewing pleasure:  The Westinghouse Diet.  I found that while trucking through Eric Shansby's website which does the editorial cartoons for Weingarten's humorist column.

It too left me in tears....

but only because I was laughing so hard that I could barely stand it.  :)

Everything is blooming!

Looking around my place, I can't help but notice that all my plants are enjoying the summer sunshine and are rewarding me with the fruits of their labour.

First, the wild strawberry plant that I picked up at the local Farmers Market two weekends ago has given me its second little delectable red candy.  If only I was a field mouse, then the strawberry would have lasted longer... :)

Next up, my "Tomato 100" plant that has been sprouting for a month finally saw its first little tomato turn the colour I've been waiting for!  I've got 7 cherry tomatoes on the way with a few more growing under the tiny yellow flowers.  Originally, this seedling started off 5" high but has since grown to over 7' tall!

And lastly, my beloved gardenias.  I've had this potted bunch for three years now.  It has been particularly good to me this past year as it flowered in winter and continued on through spring and now summer!  I love when both the standard and bush bloom at the same time... and my living room is filled with the heady fragrance of this beautiful, fleeting flower.

My plants have not been the only things that have been productive in this house.  I've been busy sewing and crafting. I'll post those shortly.

Breaking bread

These last few days have been filled with food and friends/family.  It has led me to think about how intertwined those two things are and what it does for me as a person, and for the community at large.  Bringing people together through food is not a new topic.  Countless movies speak to that theme, and yet I wonder how often do we recognise its significance in our daily lives?

Over the weekend, I had my neighbours over for a potluck dinner and also invited a good friend to join us.  It was great sharing stories, laughs and anecdotes, and finding out more about them and the commonality that brings us to the table or to this city or even country.  The following day, I had lunch with my mother at this little Korean eatery after visiting this big Korean grocery store.  At this particular meal, we reminisced on our travels to Korea together and the kinds of food we encountered and how much I wanted to skate on the ice rink at the Lotte World shopping mall.  We were bonding and building bridges.  I hadn't seen my mother in over two weeks since I went to pick up my dying cat after having been away for five days on a motorcycle tour.  Yes, this was our way of mending fences... A meal has a way of doing that sometimes, non?

So here are some side dish goodies that we got at the Hanahreum Asian Mart (in Coquitlam):

(Left to Right, Top to Bottom)

sweet n spicy cuttlefish; potatoes in a sweet savory sauce; cucumber crab salad; sweet n spicy mini crabs; radish in a tangy vinagrette; seaweed salad

In case you didn't believe me about the sweet n spicy mini crabs that you EAT shell, claws and ALL.... here is a close-up.  After getting over the "ick" factor, this side dish is pretty tasty.  Just be careful that the inside of your mouth doesn't get nicked by those little claws!

Catch a tiger by its tail...

It's the tail end of summer and I'm determined to hold on tight.  This has been an incredible summer filled with change and unexpected surprises with tons of opportunity for growth and new things.  I've been challenged to the point of tears and also elated at blossoming possibilities.  All must be taken in stride.  This blog will be my way of sorting through all of it while unleashing my creativity that was held captive for 4.5 years.

A few days ago, I celebrated my 33rd birthday.  Wow!  What a big number.  I had the pleasure of spending the entire day with friends whom I consider family, and some new friends as well.  It was one of my best birthdays in recent memory and I have them to thank for it.  Thank you!!  :)

Today, the sun is shining again and it's Saturday... so that means the Farmers Market is open!  My neighbourhood has a market every Saturday from May - Oct.  However, because of my previous job, I was never able to attend.  Last week was the first time I went down there.  There was misty rain that day and I caught them just before they closed but it was lovely all the same.  It was the first rain in weeks and I relished the opportunity to put my wellies on and stomp around.

But today.. today it is gorgeous outside and I have friends coming over for a BBQ potluck!  So I'm going down to the market for some fresh, local produce.  I can't wait to discover what delightful goodies the artisan bakers and cheese makers will bring today.  There is something tremendously satisfying about going to the Farmers' Market -- colours, sights, sounds, smells, community.  I will come back with tasty goodies for tonight!